Old ghosts paying a visit

Hi my dears! Hope you’ve had a beautiful day so far. I wanted to bring something up which happened the other day. Something I thought was in the past but came bak to haunt me the other day. My thoughts about myself and my body. This constant topic amongst women but also men. A struggle. Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Toned enough? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I don’t think I’ve come across a single woman in my life who hasn’t had these thoughts.

It came out of nowhere and it honestly scared me. It really did. I was just thinking, Maddie you’re so much better than this. I have nothing against my body, I like my body. It can achieve incredible things and it’s so strong and pretty amazing. When I step into the gym I’m in awe at what it can do now in comparison to a year ago but still yet I have the nerve to criticise myself.

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to write about this because it feels to personal and it’s being very vulnerable online but that’s why I’m here, to share my journey. I wouldn’t be honest to you if I wouldn’t share these thoughts too. The other evening I looked in the mirror and was unhappy with what I saw. I was disappointed and I don’t know why. Perhaps I was having a bad evening and didn’t even realise. I had seen some recent pictures which I thought were quite unflattering of myself and just thought, god is that what I look like? To even think those thoughts makes me so incredibly sad. Usually if I see a picture I’m not entirely happy with I shrug it of and just oh well, it was just an unfortunate millisecond of my life the camera caught. Usually I never even think in those negative paths but these images really bothered me and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Why now? Why these images?

I do sometimes feel a pressure from I don’t even know where, to perhaps look a certain way because I train a certain amount and eat healthily. I’m by no means saying I’m fat or need to loose weight, I just felt dissatisfied with my reflection. I had a moment of weakness. I was disappointed with my mind and thoughts, why was I thinking this?

In the end I spoke to Jamie about my thoughts and he said I was being ridiculous and said some incredibly kind and loving words to me. It made me feel a lot better. I knew I was being ridiculous. You aren’t always going to look incredible. I know that haha. The amount of sweaty photos I’ve had taken by now are quite a few and I usually just laugh them off but sometimes it gets to you.

I then remembered my purpose of starting this blog and my Instagram. It’s to be real. I want to be a real person, I want to show a real person. I’m not always going to look picture perfect but that’s okay. I want to show my life, my raw life. The ups and downs. So instead of staying in that mindset I went to sleep with the aim to let these thoughts go in the morning.

What I wanted to say with this post is we all have moments of doubt and being overly critical towards ourselves. I know I definitely am! I think we all need to be aware of these thoughts and catch them before they spiral out of control. Instead of thinking you should be a certain way or look a certain way, embrace who you are. I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes I just think of the incredible things your body can do, it’s pretty amazing when you really think about it. It is tough to love yourself at times at this day and age with platforms such as Instagram where you’re bombarded of photos of people but I think just being aware that a photo is just a photo of a second of someone’s day makes a difference to your thought process. Remember, it’s just a photo, a snapshot, a short moment in time. It can even be incredibly staged and not be real life at all. A photo is not who you are, you are so much more. Please remember this!

Lots of love,

M xxx

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