Category Archives: Thoughts


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Training on holiday

Do you guys work out on holiday? Training whilst on holiday was something I only two years ago wouldn’t even dream of doing. I was disciplined in my everyday life but as soon as I was on holiday I would lie there on my sun bed and barely move for a week. There is nothing wrong with that if that’s what you to do but my last trips I’ve really been missing moving and exercising, which was when holiday training came into the picture. I need exercise in my life to feel good just as I need to eat and sleep. My mood is really affected by whether I exercise or not, it’s like my daily cup of coffee.

This holiday I was wondering how my training would go. I was really looking forward to going away but at the same time I felt so happy with where my training was going and a bit sad to be missing out on the G5 classes plus loosing the strength I had built up. I was looking at gyms in Nice but they are all in central Nice and quite expensive, plus that money I honestly would rather spend on other things. So when I landed I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.

Then I started thinking, I’m on this path of challenging myself to things I don’t really like doing and not really good at to improve my general fitness. This involves running and Nice has got an incredible promenade I’ve run along before. You all know my thoughts on running, it’s not my favourite thing to do when it comes to exercise and I wasn’t thrilled at the thought of having to run for the next couple of weeks. But, instead of being frustrated I’m missing out on my classes and not having access to a gym I started to think of this as an opportunity. An opportunity to improve my running and other exercises I struggle with. I can take the time I normally take to lift to improve other aspects of my fitness. I had no excuses now when I was stripped of my access to gym equipment.

I think the issue I have is that I put a lot of pressure on myself with what speed I should run at and that I should run in a certain time. Whilst a bit of pressure can be good it can also be discouraging. Instead I decided to think me just going out running is an incredible win and a massive change in my attitude towards it. Before I would rather do nothing than run. Now I’d rather run than do nothing. I don’t care if I run fast or not, just pushing myself to do it is an incredible accomplishment for me. Some days I’ve pushed myself to run faster, other days I’ve just been happy to run at whatever pace I feel comfortable. At the end of the day I’m on holiday and I’m only going to do it if I feel like it. I know as soon I get back to Glasgow I’ll be back in the gym training so anything I do now is just to still maintain some exercise in my life. Having that attitude towards it has helped me loads. It’s crazy how your mindset can change everything.

Other than running I’ve done lots of bodyweight exercises. I see this holiday as a fantastic chance to work more on my push ups but also jumping lunges (god they can be so tough and they burn so bad) and jump squats combined with loads of other exercises.

What I want to say is training whilst on holiday is something you do or don’t do, it’s up to you but if you do there are so many things you can still do without having to pay for access to a gym. It’s all in your head and for me finding a challenge in what I do gets me motivated. I’ve challenged myself to do those exercises I usually avoid when training on my own and because I’m doing them I know I can only get better at them. You’ve got nothing to loose when you know you’re not very good at something haha. That’s quite a good feeling! You’ve got everything to gain from trying and this will benefit you in other aspects of your training too.

This can also be applied to when you’re starting out on your fitness journey, don’t look at everyone else is doing. If you’re starting from nothing you just doing some form of exercise on a regular basis is an amazing start. Then you start increasing the intensity and start going more if you want but going all in and putting that pressure on that you should go five times a week and have a sweat fest every time probably won’t be sustainable in the long run but if you start small and gradually increase the the amount of times you go and the intensity gradually you’ll find what works for you.

Going back to what I was saying about training on holiday, through focusing on what I can do to improve my fitness when I’m away with what I have I have made myself go running even though it’s not my favourite thing in the world. I know I’ll benefit from doing it and I need my exercise. It’s all about mindset and being your own cheerleader and coach. It’s tough taking on those roles when it comes to yourself because it’s tough to be disciplined but it’s something I’ve worked on for years. I’ve gotten to a stage now when I’m quite good at cheering myself on and pushing through but it’s not always easy!

Something I try to do when running is to race a little bit with the people who are also running along the promenade hehe. Just to give myself that little extra push. It really does help, especially for someone who has got that touch of competitiveness in them (*cough* me).

What are your thoughts on holiday training? Do you struggle to keep to stay motivated? I’d love to hear!

Have a beautiful day! Love, M xxx


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Major inspiration


This photo is hysterical

Breakfast is the best reward after a heavy workout

Hi lovelies! This past weekend I did not only spend time with my friends I also binge watched “Fittest on Earth” on Netflix. I’ve been wanting to watch it for ages but just haven’t had the time to do it properly but this weekend I found the time to finally do it. For those who don’t know what Fittest on Earth is, it’s a documentary about the Crossfit Games and the athletes involved in it. It’s the biggest Crossfit competition in the world and the ones who win are crowned as Fittest Man and Woman on earth. The stuff they do is absolutely insane.

There are two of them up on Netflix now and because the Crossfit Games were actually happening in Madison that weekend I felt like it was even more of a reason to watch them. Wow, I was blown away. I couldn’t keep my eyes of the screen. The people in this competition are some of the most inspiring people I’ve ever come across. The dedication and work they put in to even qualify is incredible. Once the first documentary was finished I immediately started watching the next one. I couldn’t stop. I did have to have have a break to go and see the girls and then continue the next day but oh wow. It was so interesting and mind blowing.

On Sunday evening Jamie and I even watched some of the final events of this year’s Crossfit Games before we went to bed and these people feel more like super humans or robots in how they move and what they can lift. Even Jamie thought it was super interesting to see.

I felt so inspired after it and incredibly motivated to work harder in the gym. Once in a while I really think you need something to come along to make you inspired again. You end up just going through the options otherwise, you need to be reminded of why you’re doing it. For me it’s to see how strong I can get. I want to improve and progress, be better than yesterday, stronger than yesterday. How far can I push myself?

What motivates you to train? One thing Matt Fraser, now Fittest Man on Earth two years in a row, said which really resonated with me was that he finds his weaknesses and works hard on them to make sure he’s the best at everything.

This is something I’ve really been trying to work on more than ever, working on my weaknesses, which is usually the stuff I don’t like doing as much in the gym. Things like upper body, back squats and running. When I avoid doing them, how am I ever going to get better at them? It doesn’t make any sense, when you think of it that way there’s really no excuse not to do it anymore. If I want to get better I need to do these things. The next couple of things I really need work on are double unders, toes to bar and handstands. There’s so much to do and so little time. What do you say? Shall we get started?!

Seriously though, watch Fittest on Earth!


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20 years, almost a life time

31/07. God this date is never easy. Especially not this year, 20 years since we lost you, you lost the battle to cancer. I can’t believe it’s been so long. I’ve been dreading this day so much. I’ve been crying loads. Not sure how to handle it. It’s crazy how a date can bring so many buried emotions to the surface. After all those tears over so many years, there are still so many more to cry over you. A date is just a date after all, another day without you mum. Words aren’t enough to describe my thoughts and feelings today. Nothing can come close to describing what this is like.

It felt so heavy getting out of bed this morning. I managed to get to G5 for class before heading to the office. I felt so heavy, everything felt tough. I felt like I was fighting for every rep. I felt out of breath. Running felt like it went on forever but I got through. I know that no matter what goes on in life, the gym helps. Training helps. I get to focus on something, less on how I feel. I can shut out the world for just those minutes. Today it was tough though and I was close to tears at some points but I got through.

Loosing someone and going through life when you’ve lost someone is like having a really deep scar. You once in a while see it and are reminded of that time, that amazing person. Then sometimes this scar opens up again, starts bleeding. The pain comes back, you are once again reminded of how much it hurt but once it’s healed you’re okay again until it happens again. You might not think about the scar for a while, it’s just there, a part of you.

To be honest I have no idea how to handle this day, after 20 years you think I would’ve found a way to cope but you can’t. Grief can come and knock you down when you east expect. it. One thing I have learnt is that it is okay to be sad, it’s okay to cry. It’s also okay to not cry. It’s okay to be okay and not feel sad too. Some days it hurts so bad, other days you don’t feel anything at all. It’s okay. Just feel what you feel, accept it. Don’t feel guilty if you feel okay.

I’m still learning to not feel guilty of my emotions when it comes to mum. Guilty to be happy and not feel sad. Feeling silly to cry like a baby because I miss her. It’s perfectly natural to miss her but somehow I still find it difficult to talk about it. I feel like there’s not much to say by now. I miss her, I wish she was here. I’m sad I’ll never get to know her. I’m devastated for my family who lost her far too early. I’m sad she didn’t get to be live a longer life.

I’m dreading this day. I have no idea how I’m going to get through it but one thing I’ve learnt by now is that I will. I will get through. It will be okay. I feel like I’m walking into this day as though I’m driving without a seatbelt on, no safety net. Exposed and vulnerable. I have no way to protect myself. I’m worried my emotions will crash into me at work and overwhelm me. But I do know pain passes and life will feel beautiful again. We only have one life and we need to enjoy it even though we’ve lost loved ones. As much as we love them. Feeling pain I think is a sign of how much love there was. Even though I was barely five I know she loved us so much. I miss that love, her but I know she loved us much as she possibly could before she couldn’t fight anymore, before she had to leave.

I know if she could be here today she would.

Anyway this is all I could type today. I just need a day to digest and come to terms with my emotions. Let myself feel what I need to feel to work through it. Does it get easier with time? Yes and no. Yes because you learnt to live with it somehow, but also no because there’s the anniversaries of her, birthdays she’s missed, graduations I wish she would’ve been there for. Phone calls we could’ve had. Mother daughter time we’ve missed. Future weddings, children. Of course you wish she was there. More than anything.

I love you mum, I’ll never stop missing you. Never stop thinking of you. I know you’re watching wherever you are. I hope you are proud.

M xxx


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Old ghosts paying a visit

Hi my dears! Hope you’ve had a beautiful day so far. I wanted to bring something up which happened the other day. Something I thought was in the past but came bak to haunt me the other day. My thoughts about myself and my body. This constant topic amongst women but also men. A struggle. Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Toned enough? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I don’t think I’ve come across a single woman in my life who hasn’t had these thoughts.

It came out of nowhere and it honestly scared me. It really did. I was just thinking, Maddie you’re so much better than this. I have nothing against my body, I like my body. It can achieve incredible things and it’s so strong and pretty amazing. When I step into the gym I’m in awe at what it can do now in comparison to a year ago but still yet I have the nerve to criticise myself.

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to write about this because it feels to personal and it’s being very vulnerable online but that’s why I’m here, to share my journey. I wouldn’t be honest to you if I wouldn’t share these thoughts too. The other evening I looked in the mirror and was unhappy with what I saw. I was disappointed and I don’t know why. Perhaps I was having a bad evening and didn’t even realise. I had seen some recent pictures which I thought were quite unflattering of myself and just thought, god is that what I look like? To even think those thoughts makes me so incredibly sad. Usually if I see a picture I’m not entirely happy with I shrug it of and just oh well, it was just an unfortunate millisecond of my life the camera caught. Usually I never even think in those negative paths but these images really bothered me and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Why now? Why these images?

I do sometimes feel a pressure from I don’t even know where, to perhaps look a certain way because I train a certain amount and eat healthily. I’m by no means saying I’m fat or need to loose weight, I just felt dissatisfied with my reflection. I had a moment of weakness. I was disappointed with my mind and thoughts, why was I thinking this?

In the end I spoke to Jamie about my thoughts and he said I was being ridiculous and said some incredibly kind and loving words to me. It made me feel a lot better. I knew I was being ridiculous. You aren’t always going to look incredible. I know that haha. The amount of sweaty photos I’ve had taken by now are quite a few and I usually just laugh them off but sometimes it gets to you.

I then remembered my purpose of starting this blog and my Instagram. It’s to be real. I want to be a real person, I want to show a real person. I’m not always going to look picture perfect but that’s okay. I want to show my life, my raw life. The ups and downs. So instead of staying in that mindset I went to sleep with the aim to let these thoughts go in the morning.

What I wanted to say with this post is we all have moments of doubt and being overly critical towards ourselves. I know I definitely am! I think we all need to be aware of these thoughts and catch them before they spiral out of control. Instead of thinking you should be a certain way or look a certain way, embrace who you are. I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes I just think of the incredible things your body can do, it’s pretty amazing when you really think about it. It is tough to love yourself at times at this day and age with platforms such as Instagram where you’re bombarded of photos of people but I think just being aware that a photo is just a photo of a second of someone’s day makes a difference to your thought process. Remember, it’s just a photo, a snapshot, a short moment in time. It can even be incredibly staged and not be real life at all. A photo is not who you are, you are so much more. Please remember this!

Lots of love,

M xxx